Count Durtula! (or, where stupid PCs go to die…)

 

Things started pretty bad for the covenant, we were out witted, out numbered and Durtiz was on our side…

Just as you thought things couldn’t get any worse, along comes bender, phasing into amorphia with his trusty sidekick the worm.

But then, a ray of light broke through the cloudy sky and landed on Hadi and myself – bender was phasing out to the beastlands (taking the complete priest’s spell collection with him!), and then the table’s turned completely – we found someone who’ll adopt Durtiz! Not only that, but also buy him a bigger lute (or something of sort) – what a moron! 

 

If we already happen to be in the area, a poem (I found the former version online and had to make small adjustments…):

 

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you’re a vampir?

Just like us, they want to run a stake through you

Why do stars fall down from the sky every time that you die?

Just like me they long to get rid of you

On the day that you were born the angels got together

And decided to create a dream come true

So when they saw what came out they had to waste all their karma points on you

That is why all the dragons in town follow you all around

Just like me they long to be rid of you

 

instrumental break (Durtiz with the lute/organ)

 

On the day that you were born the angels got together

And decided to create a dream come true

So when they saw what came out they had to waste all their karma points on you

That is why all the dragons in town follow you all around

Just like me they long to be rid of you

Just like me they long to be rid of you

Waaaaaaaaah rid of you!

Waaaaaaaaah stake through you!

Haaaaaaaaah rid of you!

Waaaaaaaaah rid of you!

 

 

 

This is how the note-mail went on between faggy and neuro:

 

“Can we animate Durtula?”  

- “No, he was an undead all along (just had non-detection on him!)”

 

“It’ll be an interesting twist of plot”

- “WHAT PLOT?”

 

“Can I use karma points to save him?”

- “WHAT KARMA????”

 

 

Last thing about Yoav, I took a stroll down memory, went back through the pages, looked at old times articles I wrote and found out that I’ve been saying for over 6 months the same thing – YOU ARE NO LONGER A DM!!!

Yup, you can check it out yourself - just check the middle...

 

 

Bender, I can always go on for a long time when you are concerned, but I guess you’re the Mexican’s problem now…

It is quite ironic how you got to your part of the story – the red bender hood, may the wolves eat all around you to leave nothing but a worm, best wishes to both worms…

 

Tune in on Saturday for a special update of embarrassment for some of our game-canceling friends (my substitute for the game), gees, I need a break? It sounds like your whaling friends abroad…

 

 

          Good Idea

 

Killing Durtiz…  

 

      Better Idea

 

Beheading Durtiz after he’s dead…

         

      Best Idea

 

Burning the remains…

 

    Bad Idea

 

Drinking Durtiz’s blood…

 

    Worse Idea

 

Letting him drink your blood afterwards…

 

    Worst Idea

 

Keeping the good for nothing wannabe vampire around just for the amusement, even a million years of boredom won’t justify the stupidity of making him a part of your family not to mention the worst case scenario of having to listen to him play the same macabre (sorry, barroc?) tune for the rest of the millennia…